The Project
by Canadian Spark
Summary: Naruto and Sakura are over at Sasuke's house working on a sex ed project. Itachi is making weird noises in the next room. Sakura has a secret. Sasuke is annoyed. Naruto is oblivious. Does it get any stupider than this? Oneshot


WARNING: COMPLETE INSANITY AHEAD!

Disclaimer: Wouldn't it be nice if I were making money off my deranged mind? Alas, I own nothing.

"Guuuuyyyysssss! I'm boooooreeed!" cried an excessively annoying voice.

"Shut up Naruto! You're whining is interrupting Sasuke...right Sasuke?" Squealed the pink haired, possibly schizophrenic, Sakura.

"You're both so annoying. Can't you tag along with someone else? I'm attempting to do this damned project. If you're not going to be useful then leave!" Sasuke snarled out in a frustrated voice. _'Who's sick idea was it to pair me up with these two idiots for such an important project! Oh yeah...Mr. Hatake...damn that pervert.' _Sasuke thought to himself, his eyebrow twitching at the thought of being stuck working with the two of them for a whole month.

"Fine, fine. But do you guys think we can work somewhere else...?" Naruto whispered to the two of them in a rushed manner.

"Ugh! Naruto! Why would we want to work somewhere else! This place is PERFECT!" Sakura cried out, while inner Sakura was punching the air and shouting _'Chya! We're in Sasuke's room! Until I've stolen an article of his clothing we can't leave! I must bask in the presence of Sasuke for as long as possible!' _

"But...Sasuke's older brother is really creeping me out...the noises coming from his room are...well..." Naruto motioned towards the wall that separated Itachi's room from Sasukes. On the other side of the wall random spells of hysterical laughter could be heard, and mumblings about 'killing them all' reached the ears of the three young occupants in the room.

"Itachi does that at least once a week. He won't come out of his room until after midnight, so both of you just shut up and help me work on this, assuming your mental state allows it. Sakura...you work on the writing part, I'll give you information as you go along. And Naruto, do the drawings."

"What! This is a sex ed project! I'm not drawing THAT!" Naruto cried out in frustration.

"Naruto, I'm aware you most likely have NO experience in that department, but I also trust that you have some idea of what to draw." Sasuke drawled out from behind the book he was looking through.

"WHAT! I DO SO KNOW WHAT TO DO!"

"Playing with yourself doesn't count, dobe."

Sakura let out a giggle, clearing ogling Sasuke openly. "Have YOU ever thought of doing it with someone special Sasuke?" she batted her eyelashes at him.

"..." Sasuke moved to the side of the bed, further away from Sakura.

"OHHHH! ARE YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT SEX!" Itachi burst through the door, grinning like a psycho and holding a punch of Playboys. "These will DEFINITLY help you with your drawings!" he tossed them at Naruto who was instantly buried under a pile of porn.

"Chya boobies!" Sakura picked up the nearest magazine and opened it.

"..." Naruto, Sasuke and Itachi blinked at her.

"Why are you all looking at me like that?" Sakura stared at them.

"Noooo! Sakura is a lesbian!" Naruto fell to the ground sobbing, his chances of ever being with Sakura lost.

"Yes! Sakura is a lesbian! No more stalking!" Sasuke started doing a very-unlike-him happy dance.

"Don't worry little boy, I'll cheer you up!" Itachi grabbed Naruto and dragged him out of the room, into his own. Disturbing noises could be heard a few minutes later.

Sakura stood there, watching Sasuke dance around. "Actually Sasuke...I'm bi." She grabbed him and pulled him onto the bed.

"NOOOOOOOOO! HELP! RAPE!" Sasuke started screaming. Unfortunately, Naruto and Itachi were too busy to hear him.

Meanwhile in Itachi's room

Naruto screamed loudly, reaching a pitch he never had before. "BULLSHIT!" he smirked triumphantly as Itachi was forced to pick up about 20 cards.

"How did you get so good at this game?" Itachi questioned, while attempting to organize his handful of cards.

"I learned from Iruka. Do you think we should ask Sasuke and Sakura to come play?" Naruto put down some cards.

"No...I think they're probably busy doing research for that project." Itachi smirked, knowing full well what was going on in the other room. He could hear Sasuke's screams for help. Suddenly Itachi started howling with crazed laughter.

Naruto looked at Itachi the obvious psycho, and figured it was time for him to go home. "Well...bye Itachi! Tell Sasuke and Sakura I'm sorry I couldn't help them finish!"

"They're just about finished now! Bwahahahahaahaha! Someday I'll kill them all!" with that Itachi started working on some sort of Doomsday device in the corner.

Naruto went home and ate ramen.

Sasuke continued screaming for help.

Sakura had a fucking great time.

Itachi was plotting the deaths of everyone he knew.

Such is life in Konoha.

THE END!

Who here thought that Itachi and Naruto were doing the nasty in the other room? Hehe. Well hope my insanity didn't disturb you too much. Review, flame, or throw lemons at me.


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